Etiquette for writing online reviews

That slow, forgetful server who made your blood boil could have just had the worst day of his or her life. Leave room for people’s humanity when you’re reviewing their behavior on the job.

If you need to mention poor service, stick to the facts. An employee’s appearance is almost never relevant, says Becky Foley, head of trust and safety at Tripadvisor, a travel-planning site that includes reviews. Think hard before using first names (did this employee cause you harm, or just annoy you?) and leave last names out.

“Depending on the entire context, if there is no description that ties that into your actual experience at the property and you’re simply saying something to insult someone, that’s not something we’re going to post,” Foley said.

If your cousin’s roommate’s girlfriend’s mom heard something bad about an establishment, it doesn’t bear repeating, Foley said. Focus your review on things you experienced yourself.

Friends don’t let friends write drunk reviews.

“Any reviews left after 2 a.m. and before 6 a.m. should be discounted,” Treviño said.

Similarly, give yourself some time after a bad experience to cool off before you write. Tripadvisor lets authors delete their comments if they experience review-regret, and Foley said its automated system can flag policy violations such as personal attacks before the review goes up. The offending reviewer gets an email explaining how they need to edit the review if they’d like it to appear on the site, so they can rewrite once cooler heads prevail.

Paying customers have a right to critique their experiences, Foley said, as established by the Consumer Review Fairness Act in 2016, which both Tripadvisor and Yelp supported.

But if you’re mad because a steakhouse didn’t serve falafel, that’s on you. Before you start typing, make sure you consider whether the business delivered what it advertised, Treviño said. Bars are often loud. The department of motor vehicles has long lines. Not every experience will conform perfectly to your tastes.

A sense of humor can help, too, says Maddi Filliater, an accountant in Cleveland who turned to Twitter during her college days to let companies know when things went sideways. Filliater says she tries to keep her feedback lighthearted so companies know the jabs are all in good fun.

“All my hung over a– wanted was some @shakeshack cheese fries but they forgot the cheese,” she tweeted at the hamburger joint last week. The company responded soon after and ended up offering her a complimentary meal, she said.

Running a business can be hard, and some establishments have more resources than others to deal with customer complaints.

Back in college, Filliater said she tweeted at a local sandwich shop about some alleged brown lettuce, and the business responded angrily: Why didn’t she bring up the problem in person instead of attacking them on the Internet? Her friends refer to the incident as “LettuceGate.”

“Ever since then, I’ve steered away from smaller businesses,” she said.

The most frustrating reviews are three stars with no comment; nothing for the business owner to go on to make the experience better in the future, Treviño said. If you’re leaving a negative review, make sure to write enough to let the company know what went wrong. Tripadvisor, for example, has a minimum word count (to avoid the likes of “rude bartenders, mediocre cocktails”). But tread carefully. Nobody wants to read a manifesto — especially from someone who overestimates their own expertise.

“The long ones are sometimes the most daunting things to ever read,” Reynolds said.

A balanced review is a helpful review. Before you launch into what went wrong, note what you liked about your experience, says Foley. That helps the business owner know the feedback is in good faith.

Most importantly, practice mentioning problems as they arise, Treviño recommended. Any business owner worth their salt wants to fix things in the moment rather than hearing about it after the fact, he said. If you’re not cursing or shouting, odds are managers and employees will hear you out.

It may feel awkward to voice a complaint face to face. But it’s better than spewing meanness from behind the safety of a screen, business owners say.