Election diary: dismal dribbles and poor paddleboarding fail to elevate the debate | General election 2024

Cones of shame

It has been tough for Rishi Sunak, so it’s nice that he still has some cheerleaders. A visibly tricky encounter with some cones during a football training session may have resulted in him being mocked mercilessly on TikTok, but one loyal newspaper described his troubling manoeuvre as a Cruyff turn, a move named after the beguiling Dutch great. Not since Kim Jong-il scored 11 holes in one in his first ever round of golf has a leader’s sporting prowess had such an unlikely upgrade.

When the cameras were turned off, Sunak no doubt nodded knowingly to the keeper before hitting a rasping 30-yard drive into the top corner with the outside of his left boot, and Pep Guardiola, who happened to be passing, said he had the skillset to go pro.

Ed Wavey

We’ve entered the increasingly desperate “look at me” phase of the Lib Dem election campaign – or, to put it another way, the Lib Dem election campaign has started. Ed Davey has already fallen off a paddleboard and plunged down a water slide on a rubber ring. Far from these being stunts, perhaps Davey has simply refused to cancel his half-term holiday in the wake of the snap election? We’re all looking forward to watching him do the macarena as he announces a new deal for the NHS.

No one left

More incredible luck for Labour leader turned mafia boss Keir Starmer, as the completely 100% independent party body making decisions on parliamentary candidates keeps appointing his allies and booting out anyone on the left or in danger of being remotely interesting. Natalie Elphicke, the Conservative defector who once lambasted Manchester United’s Marcus Rashford over his campaign against child poverty, must be getting worried that she’s becoming the party’s leftwing outlier.

Member for Vasiliki

Steve Baker has already emerged as the breakout star of Election ’24 following his vow to skipper a “fast catamaran” should the electorate be done with him. His latest cameo came when it emerged he was campaigning from Greece. Tory MPs have been known to remove references to the party from their campaign literature recently, but sending voters “wish you were here” postcards from Vasiliki may be a bit much. A bottle of ouzo or two may swing a few Wycombe votes, though. Yamas!

Less than great debate

TV election debates – how did we ever manage ­without them? Well, easily, actually, but that won’t stop ITV ­airing the first one on Tuesday night. This is likely to be a political moment so revealing that it really ought to be pay-per-view, with viewers justly compensated for sitting through it. You’ll be on the edge of your seat, no doubt, as two earnest, boring men pretend to be angry for the longest hour and 10 minutes of your life. The only winners here will be those who tune in to watch Love Island on ITV2 instead.